n Shannon Miller, 32, the most decorated Olympic gymnast in U.S. history, after coming out of retirement to perform in a 38-city exhibition tour: "About halfway through the tour, my body said, 'Do you remember how old you are?' "

Source: Chicago Sun-Times

n Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson, after his team’s 12th loss in 15 games: "We don't have enough guys who care about each other. Right now it's a garden full of weeds, and I've got to pull out some weeds."

Source: Toronto Star

n Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on the Bellflower, Calif., woman who gave birth to octuplets last week: "Eight kicking, screaming Southern California babies? Throw in a washed-up pitcher and you'd pretty much have the Dodgers."

Source: Seattle Times

n Blogger Janice Hough, on the Wisconsin Supreme Court declaring cheerleading a contact sport: "And that was just the mothers at the tryouts."

Source: LeftCoastSportsBabe.com

n Columnist Cam Hutchinson, on Miss America contestant Tara Wheeler of Virginia being a former Penn State hockey goalie: "She would have won the pageant had it gone to a shootout."

Source: Saskatoon StarPhoenix

n White Sox GM Ken Williams, to the Chicago Daily Herald, on why he's no longer a serious free-agent shopper: "You can't offer a guy a dollar if you've only got 50 cents."

Source: Chicago Daily Herald

n Serena Williams, listing among her career highlights a victory over Andy Roddick in a one-set match back in their child-phenom days: "I won. I was clearly the better player."

Source: Reuters News Service

n Andy Roddick’s retort (she says it was 6-1, he says 6-4): "When we were 10, I had to literally run around in the shower to get wet. She was bench-pressing dump trucks already."

Source: Reuters News Service

n Columnist Rick Morrissey, on Cardinal receiver Anquan Boldin needing seven plates and 40 screws after face-crunching hit he took against the Jets on Sept. 28: "That's not a face. That's Aisle 13 at Home Depot."

Source: Chicago Tribune

n Shaquille O’Neal’s mother, Lucille, on the fact that Shaq was a big kid: "I used to have to take his birth certificate everywhere. I think I put it in his pocket at Halloween because none of the neighbors believed a boy that large was 10 years old."

Source: Washington Post

n Columnist Dwight Perry, after Florida State and its 82-year-old football coach, Bobby Bowden, agreed to a one-year extension: “The entire contract is a grandfather clause.”

Source: Seattle Times

n Joe Torre, in his new book "The Yankee Years," on the difference between managing pitchers Kevin Brown and David Wells: "Both make your life miserable, but David Wells meant to."

Source: “The Yankee Years”

n Ex-Yankees pitcher Carl Pavano, on getting ripped in Torre's book: "It does explain why I haven't received any Christmas cards from Joe the last few years."

Source: WEPN Radio in New York

n Columnist Brad Dickson, on NBC airing a one-second Super Bowl beer commercial: "It was either this or show a clip of the Dallas Cowboys playoff highlights during the past decade."

Source: Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald

n Columnist Mark Purdy, on the San Francisco Giants' batting order heading into spring training: "More shallow than Britney Spears' reading list."

Source: San Jose Mercury News

n Bo Jackson, who was known for snapping bats over his thigh, says he doesn’t do that these days with golf clubs: "Bats were free. Now I kind of hold on to my clubs. I'm paying for them."

Source: Orange County Register

n Mike Tyson, after watching the documentary “Tyson“ at the Sundance Film Festival: "I never used to understand why people perceived me as such a monster, and then I saw the movie, and it all made sense."

Source: Associated Press

n Beach-volleyballer Kerri Walsh, on being sixth months pregnant on the heels of winning gold at the Beijing Olympics: "People come up to me all the time now and say 'Congratulations,' and I don't know if they mean it for the gold medal or the baby."

Source: Associated Press

n Bob Knight, who will broadcast Pat Summitt’s attempt to her 1,000th career victory against No. 2 Oklahoma on Monday: "Anyone who wins 1,000 times at anything is special."

Source: ESPN TV

n Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau, when asked if he held his breath when he saw the league’s reigning MVP, Alex Ovechkin, hit the boards with his head and right shoulder and remain motionless on the ice for about 15 seconds before finally moving: "Forget the breath. I lost my mind."

Source: Washington Post

n The nation's No. 1 girls basketball recruit, 6-foot-8 Brittney Griner of Houston's Clear Creek High School, who once dreamed of flying the friendly skies: "I wanted to be in the Air Force. I think I outgrew the fighter jets."

Source: Houston Chronicle

n Golfer Parker McLachlin, on guarding fellow Punahou High School alum Barack Obama during a recent pickup basketball game in Hawaii: "When you're the president-elect, nobody's going to get in your way. The seas kind of part a little bit."

Source: PGATour.com

n Orlando Magic guard Jameer Nelson, on being considered an NBA pipsqueak at 6 feet tall: "Hey, I'm the one that's normal. It's all those other guys who are big."

Source: Riverside (Calif.) Press-Enterprise

n Boston's Kevin Garnett after the Celtics beat Phoenix 104-87: "Go home, knock out the foundation in your house and hold up the wall. When it's about to fall on you, that's what it's like guarding Shaq."

Source: Associated Press

n Ex-Lakers star Magic Johnson, when asked if he'd lighten up on President Obama in a pickup basketball game: "I would only take it easy if he'd take it easy on my taxes."

Source: ABC-TV

n Rockets star Yao Ming, on his phone calls to lure 42-year-old Dikembe Mutombo (who uses different phones for basketball contacts, friends, celebrities and dignitaries) out of retirement: "He has so many cellphones, but I know every one. He couldn't turn them all off."

Source: Houston Chronicle

n Vikings punter Chris Kluwe has no false airs about his chosen vocation: "When I come in, it's pretty much a signal for everybody to get up, grab a beer and go to the bathroom.”

Source: Minneapolis Star Tribune

n Jason Carr of Detroit's WJBK-TV, after a 25-year-old Lions fan identified only as Dan spent $140 getting an "0-16 2008" tattoo on his chest: "At 0-16, you can't spell stink without the ink."

Source: WJBK-TV

n Columnist Steve Rosenbloom, on the Cubs signing Milton Bradley: “Fun for the sports media, misery for Cubs fans. That’s Milton Bradley— the nutbag in a nutshell. In the last five seasons, Bradley has gone at it with a general manager, manager, teammate, announcer and fan. So, he has gone crazy for the cycle.”

Source: ChicagoSports.com

n Spotted on a fan’s sign as the Arizona Cardinals were posting their first playoff home win since 1947: “Finally, a cold day in hell.”

Source: Seattle Times

n Former Lions coach Rod Marinelli, now the Bears’ defensive line coach, when approached by three male reporters from Detroit media at the Senior Bowl: “Goodbye, ladies.”

Source: Detroit News

n Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "I don't want to say new Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson played for a lot of teams, but when he's inducted he's going in wearing a Southwest Airlines hat."

Source: Seattle Times

n Bodybuilder Jay McGwire, on why he's trying to publish a tell-all book claiming he's the one who introduced steroids to his estranged ex-slugger brother Mark: "My bringing the truth to surface about Mark is out of love."

Source: DeadSpin.com

n Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke, on why the NHL shouldn't ban fighting: "If we do, we cannot create a safe workplace for our players."

Source: Toronto Sun

n Steelers defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau, on one strategy for CB Ike Taylor to use when guarding Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald: “This guy is special. We are working on a short stepladder for Ike to carry around with him so he can get higher in the air."

Source: Associated Press

n Ex-soccer player Tommy Farrer, 86, on the hubbub over his former amateur team holding a moment of silence for him, believing he was dead: "Let it die."

Source: Northern Echo of Priestgate, England

n Winter X Games snowmobiler Levi LaVallee, on doing double backflips aboard a 450-pound Polaris: "Just a big physics test, more than anything." Source: Associated Press Blogger Janice Hough, on a sure sign Barack Obama's inauguration was a watershed event: "NBC almost tape-delayed it on the West Coast."

Source: LeftCoastSportsBabe.com

n Columnist Scott Ostler: “The Raiders fired James Lofton, letting go not only their wide receivers coach, but their best wide receiver.”

Source: San Francisco Chronicle

n Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner, on hard-nosed offensive coordinator Todd Haley: “Sometimes you talk about being a parent, with what they call tough love. Sometimes you do things, and your kids can’t stand it. And then they tell you that you don’t know anything, and you’re an idiot. You know in the back of your mind that you’re only doing it for their best interests. And you’re only doing it because you love them and you want to get the best out of them. I believe you have coaches that are like that, too, and I think Todd’s like that.”

Source: Associated Press

n Ravens running back Willis McGahee, on absorbing that monstrous helmet-to-helmet hit in the AFC championship game: “I blacked out. I woke up when they were taking my facemask off. I opened my eyes and I was talking. The next thing I knew I woke up in some room and they were taking me to the ambulance.”

Source: Associated Press

n Columnist Brad Dickson, after QB Sam Bradford revealed that Oklahoma offensive players didn't change socks all season: "Finally, the real reason they never huddle."

Source: Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald

n Danny Bonaduce, the 5-6 former child star of "The Partridge Family," after fighting to a draw with 6-4 Jose Canseco in a “celebrity” boxing match that drew 1,500 people to a suburban Philadelphia ice rink: "There's no reason I should have done this well. Part of me says there's a decent man right there that didn't want to kill the little guy. I feel weird that we tied."

Source: Associated Press

n A sign held by a Steelers fan during the team’s win over the Ravens in the AFC championship game: "You're still Cleveland to us."

Source: Los Angeles Times

n TV personality Stephen Colbert, noting that a patch the New York Mets will wear on their uniforms this season looks suspiciously like the Domino's Pizza logo: "It's all part of the Mets' pledge to eliminate themselves from the playoffs in 30 games or less."

Source: Comedy Central TV

n John Gagliardi of St. John's (Minn.), awarded the Stagg Award at this year's American Football Coaches Association convention, is still coaching at age 82: "There are three stages of life: youth, middle age and 'Boy, you're looking great.' I think 'Boy, you're looking great' means people probably thought you were dead, but you're still here."When I was young, I never heard that phrase. Now that I'm old, all I hear is, 'Boy, you're looking great.' "

Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press

n Indian cricket captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni, on plans to build a temple in his hometown of Ranchi so he can be worshipped as a god: "I love my fans, but this is actually a little over the top."

Source: Ananova.com

n Northern State University men’s basketball coach Don Meyer, after his 903rd career victory pushed him ahead of Bob Knight into first place on the all-time list: “I’m a small-college coach. That means that when you’re on the road in hotels, you take the soap. … You take it one day at a time, and if you lose sight of that, then you’re in trouble.”

Source: ESPN.com

n Miles Jacobson of Sports Interactive, which is promoting its new Scent of Success aftershave — made from grass, sweat, leather and locker-room aromas: "If Britney Spears and Kerry Katona can have their own fragrance, I don't see why we can't."

Source: Associated Press

n Phil Taylor didn't get a haircut before winning the PDC World Darts Championship in London — and for good reason: "I can't get it cut, I might lose my strength. I want to be Samson, not Delilah."

Source: BBC Sport

n Wizards coach Ed Tapscott after his team lost for the 12th time this season after blowing a fourth-quarter lead: "Don't you get the feeling like we've seen this movie before? We're like a writer with writer's block. We can get the first couple of chapters written fairly efficiently and fairly well, but getting to the ending — we just can't seem to write the correct ending."

Source: Associated Press

n Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, when asked about his players' opinion of him: "I'm not interested in my players' evaluation of my performance. I'm paid to evaluate them. ... How's your editor doing?"

Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

n Bert Blyleven, on one of the knocks against his candidacy for the Baseball Hall of Fame, the fact that he never won a Cy Young Award: "But a lot of guys in the Hall of Fame never won a Cy Young Award. My wife says not even Cy Young won a Cy Young Award."

Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press

n Boxing trainer Teddy Atlas, whose friendship with former Jets coach Eric Mangin led him to receive the title of “special assistant” in the organization: “I think Brett Favre basically is a selfish guy. Brett Favre goes out there with his gray hair, his Wranglers and gets up when he gets hit. I understand why people like that. But there’s another side. He’s a selfish guy.”

Source: New York Post

RETURN TO TOP

n Kimbo Slice, showing off his commentating skills for the English-language feed at some K-1 fights in Japan: "First of all, I love the city of Japan."

Source: Seattle Times

n Kevin Johnson, Sacramento's new mayor and a former NBA star, doesn't expect the nation's most celebrated former player — President-elect Barack Obama — to challenge him to a game of hoops: "That would be his first mistake in office. I'd have to skunk him."

Source: New York Times

n Tonya Harding, on what she really wants out of life: "Having enough money to go hunting and fishing and go to the big four-wheel-drive mud bogs. And every once in a while put on a really pretty dress and go to dinner at a place like Applebee's or something."

Source: TonyaHarding.com

n Ex-Cal center Darrall Imhoff had a tough go guarding Wilt Chamberlain on March 2, 1962 — the night Wilt scored an NBA-record 100 points: "I'd put my knee between [Wilt's legs] and put my arm in the small of his back. I'm trying to hold him, and he's backing in. I'm not taking any steps, but I can smell the smoke coming off the bottom of my sneakers."

Source: Los Angeles Times

n Minnesota basketball coach Tubby Smith, when asked what it would take for his team to reach its full potential on defense: "A shutout."

Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press

n Minnesota basketball coach Tubby Smith, on winning and losing: "Sometimes you're the peacock, and sometimes you're the feather duster."

Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press

n Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb got tired of sportswriters insisting that he has lost a step: “Some of you are writing slower than you did five years ago. The stuff you talk about in the paper just doesn’t make sense. Some of you are dressing kind of funny.”

Source: Philadelphia Daily News

n New Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson, at age 50: “I believe today, and people say I’m crazy, but if you gave me as many at-bats that you would give the runners out there today, I would out-steal every last one of them. I can go out and steal as many bases as (Jose) Reyes steals. I might have lost a step or two, but I learned a step or two in knowledge that I can pick a pitch and walk to second base.”

Source: Associated Press

n Cowboys great Michael Irvin, who claims a passenger in a vehicle beside him at a stoplight in North Dallas pointed a gun at him in an apparent robbery scheme before realizing it was Irvin: “So we started talking about the Cowboys and everything, then they got back on the high way. I tell you what, I’m glad he was a Cowboy fan.”

Source: Dallas Morning News

n Comedian Jeff Foxworthy, after golfing buddy John Smoltz departed the Braves for the Red Sox: “ I got a message from the Braves PR department. Derek Lowe was coming in and they wanted me to come talk him into joining the Braves. I was like, not after what you did to my buddy.”

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

n Would-be Lions coach Jim Schwartz, on Detroit’s potential draft priorities: “I think the important thing is finding the right person. I don’t think you tie yourself in to positions. Obviously there’s a lot of needs. I think obviously the most important position on the team is quarterback. It’s probably time to find a replacement for Bobby Layne.“

Source: Associated Press

n Columnist Scott Ostler: “Twenty-eight allegedly sane voters left Rickey Henderson off their Hall of Fame ballots. Which seems crazy, unless you understand baseball. There is a pocket of old-line voters who uphold the honor of the game by never voting for a player on his first year of eligibility. If they were voters for the Evil Hall of Fame, Hitler would have to wait until his second year.”

Source: San Francisco Chronicle

n Columnist Dwight Perry: “A Chinese couple is desperately seeking a cure for their daughter who has been laughing nonstop for 12 years, the Chongqing Evening Post reported. No truth to the rumor she’s a Detroit Lions fan.”

Source: Seattle Times

n Thrashers coach John Anderson, after his team's 4-1 loss to the Lightning: “Our give-a-crap level was like at zero.”

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

n Texas football coach Mack Brown, on the abundance of bowl games: “It is an exciting time. I see 7-5 teams throwing Gatorade on their coach. At Texas if we were 7-5 they would be throwing something on me, but it wouldn’t be Gatorade, I will tell you that.”

Source: Dallas Morning News

n New Browns coach Eric Mangini, noting his NFL beginnings as a Cleveland ball boy: "I feel like I should be getting some coffee or picking up some towels or something."

Source: Associated Press

n Columnist Norman Chad, on the Arizona Cardinals’ success: “Nobody beats the Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. Nobody. Speaking of which, does an online university have online cheerleaders?”

Source: Washington Post

n Lynn Tucker, a 30-year-old mother of seven, on getting a late start on her boxing career: "I've always wanted to do this, but I've been pregnant my entire adult life. I got married when I was 18, and I've been pregnant ever since. The factory's closed."

Source: Charleston (W.Va.) Daily Mail

n Late-night talk show host David Letterman, with a sure sign your new year is off to a bad start: "All the money you didn't lose in the Ponzi scheme, you bet on the Colts."

Source: CBS TV

n Jay Kornegay of the Las Vegas Hilton sports book, on the Eagles' late-season surge after a 5-5-1 start: "The Eagles are like Apollo 13. They were pretty much ready to crash, but patched everything up."

Source: New York Post

n Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme, after throwing away his team’s playoffs hopes in a loss to the Cardinals: “I’m at a loss for words, Usually I’m not.”

Source: Associated Press

n Comedian Argus Hamilton, on a weeping Brett Favre saying he doesn't know if he'll return for a 19th season: "The actors aren't even on strike yet, and already we are in reruns."

Source: Tucson Citizen

n Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, after Rep. Henry Waxman demanded a probe into pro wrestlers' steroid use: "In other news, all of the real problems in the country have apparently been fixed."

Source: Seattle Times

n PGA Tour golfer Geoff Ogilvy, explaining his ball choice (not the newest Titleist offering, called Pro V1, just like its predecessory) before a tournament in Hawaii: "The new-new one, I'm not going to use this week. I'm going to play these two weeks with the new version of the old one, and then do a bit more testing. There are good reports about the new-new one. There's a new-old one, and there's a new-new one, which is the new one, which is the model in front of the old one."

Source: Associated Press

n Florida defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, prior to the BCS championship game against Oklahoma, which entered the game having averaged 60 points in each of its previous five games: “We’re going to give up points. We can’t give up 60 . . . unless our offense scores 61.”

Source: Los Angeles Times

n Chipper Jones, on his wait for a contract extension while the Braves have lost John Smoltz to the Red Sox and whiffed on landing pitcher Jake Peavy and shortstop Rafael Furcal: "I've just been chalking it up to the Braves have bigger fish to fry. But it seems like somebody keeps coming along and eating all our fish."

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution